After six years of absence, Adele is finally releasing a new album, unsurprisingly titled 30. This development is very exciting for a lot of people, but no one should be more excited than Wine Moms. Adele has a unique ability to capture everything that makes a great wine mom song, and that’s exactly what she’s done, time and time again. With this week’s announcement of the 1930s tracklist, Adele has effectively announced the wine nights soundtrack for the next decade.

However, not all of Adele’s songs are created equal. For every “someone like you”. there is a “He will not go”; for every “When we were young” there is a “A million years ago”. To have a good wine mom song, some things are necessary: ​​Singing in a group should be cathartic (like a book club with wine, dinner with wine, or a night out with the girls with wine). It should have a catchy title, so drunk moms can ask for the song to be played, regardless of their level of ability to remember. It should look like something that could be put on after watching “Big Little Lies”. Bonus points for the word “love” appearing in the title. With that column in place, here’s a ranking of Adele’s tracklist for “30” in terms of wine mom relevance.

15. Track 8- “All Night Parking” (Interlude) (with Erroll Garner)

Really couldn’t be worse for Wine Moms. First of all, the interlude involves a lack of vocals, which would then mean that it cannot be sung with the girls. Second, while Erroll Garner was a truly prolific jazz artist in his prime, his inclusion is sadly not worthy of fainting. Finally, parking all night invokes a deep sense of sadness, but in a dark, soprano-y way, not in a dramatic, Big Little Lies-y way. “All Night Parking” (Interlude) definitely has no chance of becoming an anthem of the mothers of wine.

14. Track 10- “Wait”

“Hold On” is so low on this list due to the unfortunate fact that it shares a name with an already all-time wine mom anthem, Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On”, a truly amazing song about going through something that you are indescribably dealing with already. Adele’s “Hold On” just doesn’t hit it.

13. Track 4- “Cry Your Heart Out”

This song title is just too much on the nose. Saying the words “Susan, can you play Adele’s“ Cry Your Heart Out ”? Would be a red flag to anyone listening. It’s basically a joke. This song title is Saturday Night Live’s parody of a song title from Adele. This song is only for people who claim to be wine moms, not real ones.

11. Track 11- “To be loved”

Our first song with “love” in the title, “To Be Loved,” has the unfortunate situation of being right before a much more exciting love-based title in the tracklist, which means it can be. lose in the shuffle. It also sounds like a track that could be easily overlooked by a tipsy mother of wine, who might ask for “a song from Adele… the lover” and get a song titled love that sounds more exciting.

10. Track 9- “Woman like me”

“Woman Like Me” sounds ideal for a bitter, solo evening of wine mom. There is an implicit self-immolation in this track that just doesn’t sound like fun to listen to with a bunch of drunk girlfriends. Sad can be good, but positioning that sadness on another woman is risky business, and we’re looking for a wine moms hymn, not just a song a wine mom might listen to.

9. Track 2- “Easy On Me”

Sadly, while Adele’s debut single on this album is certainly airing at Wine Mom events right now, releasing a song that hasn’t made it to this particular list yet will likely bring down “Easy On Me. “a few notches. Until then, “Easy On Me” can enjoy its place at the top.

8. Track 1- “Foreigners by nature”

This song is so high because it’s the first song on the album, so if someone says “Let’s play the new Adele” but nobody knows how to work Spotify, this is the one that will appear first on the CD. . However, it cannot be higher as it seems unlikely that a mother of wine will remember the title “Strangers by Nature” otherwise.

7. Track 3- “My little love”

“My Little Love” is a song that could absolutely skyrocket the charts once the album is released. This has the benefit of potentially affecting Adele’s son, as she said the album explains her divorce to her child. If so, consider this a new top three entry, as Wine Moms are renowned for being Moms First. For now, he’s ranked in the middle of caution.

4. Track 6- “Can I get it”

A truly awesome track, with exactly the exacting nature that a wine mum needs. Also, and this is important, imagine asking “Susan, can I get” Can I get it? “” And receive a “You can definitely get it!” »Rolls directly on the tongue.

3. Track 12- “Love is a game”

An almost perfect track title for wine moms. It has the word “love” in the title, which is notoriously a plus. It also involves fatigue with the masquerade of marriage that wine moms, divorced and not divorced, will certainly identify with. He loses a few points for being a little too ordinary; it’s too easy to imagine a mom forgetting this title for her to be in the top two.

2. Track 5- “Oh my God”

Simple and efficient; absolutely nothing but the net for this track of Adele in the arena of wine mothers. It’s one of their favorite lines, it stands out as a title in Adele’s discography and it’s fun to say. No remark!

1. Track 7- “I drink wine”

Evocative. Precious. Perfection. The reason for the existence of this list in the first place. A song by Adele called “I Drink Wine” has such powerful implications that it is almost impossible for me to write about it. I can’t wait to hear it and, more importantly, I can’t wait to hear it while drinking wine.

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